APRIL 19, 1996 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE

25

BIG TIPS

One night satisfied my curiosity, but not my teacher

by M.T. "the Big Tipper" Martone Whoa... I hope I can retain focus long enough to write to you all. I just discovered that you can freshen up worn furniture with upholstery spray paint (!), and proceeded to empty two full cans onto a recent score. Unfortunately, it's only about three feet away from my computer, and I'm suffering from Lacquer Lung. Kids-do try this at home (my chair looks lush), but do it before you head out for the day, and hold good thoughts for me that the brain damage is temporary, okay?

Dear Miss M.

I read with great interest the recent letter you printed from the young woman with a crush on her teacher. You see, my teacher has a crush on me. I am a freshman woman at a college out of state. Classes are big, and most at the freshman level are taught by graduate students.

Given the size of the classes, I was surprised at the personal attention I was getting in my basic college math class. The teacher, a female graduate assistant, started calling on me the first day of class. As the days passed, it became obvious that she was flirting with me. I was stunned because, although I had been bicurious (and read the Chronicle on a regular basis), I had never been with a woman and had never had one come on to me. I don't know why she picked me out --I am not overly attractive--but she did

After a month or so, the teacher asked me out to coffee after class, which I (probably stupidly) accepted. We went out after class a few times, and then she made her move. She touched my hand in a sensual manner and I did nothing to pull away. She asked me back to her apartment, and we started kissing, which naturally led to more intimate relations and to me waking up naked beside her in the morning.

The next day I began to feel extreme guilt. Not about having sex with another woman. I enjoyed it, but felt my hi-curiosity had been satisfied for the time and had no present desire to have sex with a woman again. I have a boyfriend back here in Ohio who keeps me satisfied sexually.

I felt guilty because I knew sleeping with my teacher was wrong. I just got swept up in the taboo nature of both lesbianism and sex with the teacher. Now I give the teacher the cold shoulder, although I know she wants to continue our relationship, and she still flirts with me in class. I'm afraid that either she'll mess with my grade or that our one night stand will come out and she'll get in trouble.

Thaven't talked to her since we had sex and she hasn't brought it up directly or invited me out to coffee anymore. I want to talk to her and apologize for the mess I've gotten us both into and explain that I don't want to be actively bi right now, but I don't want to get in any deeper. I know I've made some big mistakes and I hope you can help me steer my way around them.

Bye Bi

Dear Don't Stand So Close To Me,

When are you straight undergrads going to stop seducing lesbian grad students, so their lesbian students can have a crack at them? Whoops-kidding. What your teacher did was totally inappropriate, but guess what? The world is full of that which is inappropriate, and sometimes it even works out. I'm sure that's what she was hoping for.

Fortunately, you have all the leverage. You do need to talk to her, just a chat to the effect of, "That was nice, but once was more than enough, don't worry, I won't tell, and I'm glad to know that this will have no impact on my grade." Come to it with strength. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for, and just need to establish closure. If she keeps flirting to the point that you feel uncomfortable, or she messes with your grade, that's sexual harassment, and you have every right to report it. You said yes

parents are on even ground. All three of you will be sweatballs when they arrive. Leave out the gay books and fridge magnets, put away the porn, change the sheets for them. really scrub the bathroom, then keep busy. Have more potential activities ready than they could possibly do, have lots of nice restaurants in mind, and invite along your charming friends. If they're going to be there for more than a day or two, make sure they get a little time alone with each other each day to decompress.

Fortunately, it'll only be their first visit once. I don't know how weird your stuff is,

to sex once; not to a manipulative relationship. Gay Owned

P.S. This may not be your last one night stand. Make sure that before one thing leads to another, or at least to the big "another," chitchat with your companion about who she or he's been having sex with, and his or her sexual health. Wouldn't you rather be wart free?

Now, indulge me for a moment. I hate the term “bi-curious." Either you're bisexual, or you're curious about being bisexual, or curious about being a lesbian, or Curious George, or maybe you're just curious...“Bi-curious" slams bisexuals who know what they are. And "actively bi" equals sleeping with a same sex partner? Then there'd be no such thing as bi; just straight, then gay, gay, straight, gay, Static labels don't do well pinning down a fluid sexuality, but how about “Questioning"? “Sensual Adventuress?” “One Who Secks the Elusive Grail of Concrete Sexual Identity?"

Dear Tipper.

How can it be that what I've wished for for so long could finally come true, and then I'd be ungrateful? I've been out to my parents for over ten years, but even though I've never lived more than one state away from them, they've never come to visit me in my home. I've invited them, but although they've visited my sisters, they've always found a schedule conflict that kept them from staying with me. Until this spring, that is. I finally was very clear with them that it hurt my feelings, and that I loved them, and that it was better to be a little uncomfortable during a visit than to lose touch with each other, and they agreed, and are now coming in a few weeks. That's the problem. Now I'm the one who feels uncomfortable. They've never seen my house, and I'm afraid they'll think my stuff is weird, and it can make me a little nervous to be around them. Help me! Mr. Ingrate

Dear Beware of What You Wish For,

You know what? You're brave, and you're doing the right thing, and now you and your

and

Operated

but your parents already know the have a weird kid, and this is just your natural habi tat. You probably think their home is a fattle weird, and you love them. Most importantly. don't slip into shame about yourself or your life: your parents are an important part of you, but you've been a whole, proud person for the past ten years. Show them that person. Good luck.

Send your questions to MT Martone, care of the Chronicle, P.O Box 5426, Cleveland, OH 44101; or fax to 216-631-1982, or e-mail ChronOhio!@aol.com.

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